Changing the Way We Think About Growth, Failure, and Ourselves

This will be a different kind of post for me but I believe it is a post that people might find some helpful hints in —

When I was a kid and even when I had reached my teens, I could never stand in front of a class at school and give a speech …My throat would tighten p, my face would turn red, I would mis-pronounce words and sometimes I would feel like a total fool and bust out laughing uncontrollably, total incapable of finishing a verbal presentation.
Sometimes the biggest thing holding us back isn’t a lack of ability. It’s the way we think about ourselves and what we believe we’re capable of.

So I began analyzing myself and the situations that I would get into and i would practice speaking in front of a tall full length mirror — in a year or so my confidence had grown significantly so now I am going to share some of my beliefs with you, the reading audience about the kind of thinking that got me to the point where, today, I can comfortably speak to great crowds of people in auditoriums or churches or on the radio or television with ease.

A fixed mindset can show up in everyday life in ways that are easy to overlook. It might sound like, “I’m just not good at this,” “I’ve never been confident,” or “That’s not really the kind of person I am.” These thoughts can feel like facts, but often they’re beliefs we’ve repeated so many times that they start to sound true.

A growth mindset asks us to look at those beliefs differently. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” we can ask, “What would it take for me to get better at this?” That small change in language can make a real difference. It reminds us that skills, confidence, and even parts of our personality can develop with practice and experience.

There are probably goals I’ve avoided because I was afraid of failing, being rejected, or looking foolish. Maybe it’s applying for an opportunity that feels slightly out of reach, starting a creative project, having a difficult conversation, changing careers, or simply putting myself out there more. The fear isn’t necessarily a sign that I shouldn’t pursue something. Sometimes it’s a sign that the goal actually matters to me.

Failure is another area where mindset makes a huge difference. It’s easy to treat failure as evidence that we aren’t good enough. But failure can also be information. It can show us what didn’t work, what we need to learn, or where we need to adjust our approach. Not every attempt will lead to success, and that’s part of doing anything that involves uncertainty.

One practical way to change this mindset is to question the belief instead of automatically accepting it. When a negative thought comes up, write it down. Then ask yourself: Is this definitely true? What evidence supports it? What evidence contradicts it? Am I turning one experience into a permanent conclusion?

For example, instead of thinking, “I always fail,” try looking at the specific situation: “This attempt didn’t work. What can I learn from it?” Being specific makes a problem feel more manageable and gives you something you can actually work on.

It can also help to replace absolute language. Words like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” and “can’t” can make limiting beliefs feel permanent. Try replacing “I’m terrible at this” with “I’m still learning this.” Instead of “People will rejChanging the Way We Think About Growth, Failure, and Ourselvesect me,” try “Some people may say no, and I can handle that.”

Another useful exercise is to take one small action that challenges the belief. If you believe you aren’t confident, don’t wait until you suddenly feel confident. Speak up once in a meeting. Share an idea. Start the project. If you’re afraid of rejection, make one reasonable request and allow yourself to hear whatever answer comes back.

Finally, keep track of your evidence. Write down small wins, moments when you handled something difficult, compliments you received, or times when something you feared turned out differently than expected. Over time, these experiences give you a more balanced picture of yourself.

Changing a mindset doesn’t happen overnight. It takes noticing the patterns, questioning them, and choosing a different response, one small decision at a time.

Growth doesn’t mean believing I’ll succeed at everything. It means believing that failure, rejection, mistakes, and uncertainty don’t have to define me. They can be experiences I learn from.

And sometimes, changing the way we talk to ourselves is the first step toward changing what we’re willing to try.